Thoughts I have while getting ready for work

I really don't want to go in today. I kind of have a headache, maybe I should call out. I hate calling out though. It's always so awkward, and half the time I get the feeling that the managers think I'm just doing it so I can go to the beach or nurse a hangover. I don't even like the beach. There's something about the sight of all that ocean that just makes me nervous. I'm always expecting a tidal wave or Godzilla or something to come up out of it. I hate how fake I always feel at work. I smile, and greet customers with a soft and inviting voice, and I feel like an actor. A really shitty actor. I smile, I make small talk, and laugh at their unfunny/sexist/racist/uncomfortable/in poor taste jokes in the hope that they'll leave faster, but they never leave fast enough. I can never tell anymore if I'm ever smiling because I'm happy or if it's just because I don't want to look like a dreary melancholy asshole. I should've written today. I've been stuck at fifty five pages for a month. I could write after work, but that never seems to work out. I always just end up watching YouTube. Why are my damn headaches always behind my left eye?! I get it's sinuses, but why are the sinuses behind my left eye so much easier to clog than my right? I really hope work isn't busy today.