Eh

It's 4:15 am right now. I haven't slept. I think I'm writing this to avoid doing something stupid, like texting my ex. I'm a little bit down right now. I just found out that it's going to take an extra semester before I graduate. This doesn't seem like that big a problem, and it isn't really. It's just sort of demoralizing. I've grown to hate school. I can't stand the students, I feel too old and too cynical to carry on any sort of conversation with any of them. I don't like that feeling. I never wanted to feel old and cynical. Mainly it's the cynicism that bothers me. It's too damned late to be awake. These are the times that I miss having someone to lay next to in bed. There's so much comfort to be found in a woman's warm body pressed up against your own. The feeling of her resting heart, beating through her cotton tee, and her slowing breath, puffing out onto my chest, was able to trick my soul into believing that great lie we always tell each other whenever the world starts pushing down: everything's going to be alright, everything's fine. I miss that comfort tonight.